I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
