Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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