Dual....:-)
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
