she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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