its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
