Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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