That's intense
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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