A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
