She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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