It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
