i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
