why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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