I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize