I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
