I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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