The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
