Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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