He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you never un-have a 4some
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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