Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
