I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
