Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize