I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
