I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
