I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
