i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
