omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
