I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
