can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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