Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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