he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
