am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
