This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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