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She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
