omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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