Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
