I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
