it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
