how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
