Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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