I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
