I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
