made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize