They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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