okay pat passed out under dana's car
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
