So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
