ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
