And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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