I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize