I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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