I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MIDGETS
????
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
