so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
