Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
