We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
