Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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