Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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