all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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