If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize