I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
