is wine microwaveable?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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