I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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