I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
