I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
