I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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