Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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