M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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