how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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