there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
