just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize