Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
