lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
