I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
