I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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