Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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