The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am midnight drunk by noon
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
