Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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