I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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