I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
