why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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