Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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