I want to make a zoo with you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
