My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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