Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
