Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize