It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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