so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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