I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
