Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
