they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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