he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
