mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
