This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
