Got a toothbrush?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
