Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
