my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize