I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize