somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
