So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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