Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
