last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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