Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
