I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize