Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
