There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
