4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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