i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
