It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i can run in heels then i can drive
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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