Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize