i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
