at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
