So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
