4 words: hood of his car
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
