he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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