My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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