see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
