Yo dont text me then not text me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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