you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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